Today was a typical day in many ways...we started off with a run....a great breakfast and some time at the pool. We decided to go see Transformers 2 again - since the first time it was just Lucie and I and she continued to talk about the details and make her older sister, Scarlett angry!! So we went to MetroCentro to see Lucie's movie and did a little shopping.
All was well until I heard from our friend Jason - who met with the boss, Arly at Mi Familia and was told that the Consejo will probably NOT meet this Friday!! Apparently, they receive a final authorization and had not received it yet - which means it "probably" won't happen. Well, what I do know is when they say "for sure" it means...maybe and when they say "probably" it means... never. So now, our "for sure" date is next week!! Lord, how much longer will this Consejo be postponed?
My friend Jason is attempting to spin this in a positive way - any way possible. I, on the other hand, am Debbie Downer. I explain that this is the 4th time they have postponed the Consejo for June...that we are actually in July....that this government NEVER does what they commit to do and that my family is in limbo until we can move forward. So when did I turn into Debbie Downer?
I am doing much better than I was a few days ago - I haven't lost it again, but I am definitely not the woman I know and love. The one that my husband always describes as "carries her own weather". The one who brings sunshine everywhere she goes!!
Well, this time I am refusing to let Debbie win - It is only another week delay, right? It will give us something to celebrate when my husband is here in 8 more days!! I told Scarlett - we are going to the beach this week to celebrate that we are here on an exotic vacation. Now there's a positive spin.
I know that once I get home, it will only be a matter of days when my life returns to "normal". I will have my friends back - be with my husband - live in my home....and get on with my life. So this is our summer in Nicaragua - not part of the summer but the entire summer and I am trying, with all my might, to make a summer of positive memories (can you tell I'm trying to talk myself into it?!?)
Here's to a bright and sunny tomorrow - to carrying my own weather and making the most of this difficult situation!!
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
What I will bring home....
This blog is dedicated to the people I love. I am in the middle of the most challenging experience of my life and am SURROUNDED by people who love me!! I wake every morning - excited to start my day - wondering who will I see...who will I talk to - because not a single day goes by where I am not supported by my friends and family - how blessed am I?
Today I received several calls via Skype that made my day. I first heard from my dear friend, Sue Jones (Chili) - she caught me up on what has been going on - listened to my frustrations and we contemplated the challenges and rewards that I will have when I get home - one of the most important ones, being able to hang out with my Chili again!! She made me laugh and I felt close to home.
Then I heard from my sweet D and JJ. They have been taken good care of my husband in my absence - seeing them, makes us all miss home so much. They are truly family to us all. We made plans for when I get home and the girls and I felt loved and happy by the end of the conversation.
Next - was my first Skype from my sister Vicki!! She couldn't get her sound to work for awhile but she worked it out and we had a great conversation. So good to see her pretty face and to talk about what a great visit we had last month - I saw my sweet Taylor and caught up on what was going on with them. Albeit, my sister scored very low on my "how well do you know Lesa quiz" on facebook - she knows me well and always gives me the love and support I need!!
Finally, my sweet husband - who was so tired but never fails to call me. He has been my partner through this entire process - seeing him puts my day to rest, gives me a chance to share all my feelings and know that he is my biggest fan. He is my greatest blessing!!
My good friend Tracy always keeps in touch - and always encourages me and prays for me and my family!! My Mom has been Queen Skyper and I am so proud that she has overcome her technology challenges and that I can see her beautiful smile on a constant basis!!
My cousin Sandy - who is like a sister to me - reads my blog to her co-workers everyday and I feel as if she is sharing this experience with me. I always miss her and now that I am further away in miles than I have ever been from her, I have never felt closer to her!!
Then there are my friends here in Nicaragua who are always there with a sympathetic ear and a warm hug. Michele, Jason, Trish, Matt, Maria Jose, Cynthia....and of course all my kids. They make me smile when I am having a bad day - they are always happy to see me and help me remember what is really important.
I have heard from so many of my dear friends, commenting on my blogs, emailing me, calling me - each and everyone means the world to me. There are so many people who approach my husband and tell them that they read my blog - that they are keeping me in their thoughts and prayers!! I could NOT do this without the love and support of my friends - so I want to thank you - thank each and every one of you for your love and support. You make the days go by faster and give me the security in knowing that I am supported through every step I take here!!
My husband is always asking me what I will "take home" from this experience...this is sometimes a difficult thing to define but what I do know that I will take home is that I am blessed and surrounded with the most beautiful, loving and caring people. We often take these relationships for granted....I will not going forward...I KNOW how much I am loved and supported....pretty amazing gift to bring home, don't you think?
Today I received several calls via Skype that made my day. I first heard from my dear friend, Sue Jones (Chili) - she caught me up on what has been going on - listened to my frustrations and we contemplated the challenges and rewards that I will have when I get home - one of the most important ones, being able to hang out with my Chili again!! She made me laugh and I felt close to home.
Then I heard from my sweet D and JJ. They have been taken good care of my husband in my absence - seeing them, makes us all miss home so much. They are truly family to us all. We made plans for when I get home and the girls and I felt loved and happy by the end of the conversation.
Next - was my first Skype from my sister Vicki!! She couldn't get her sound to work for awhile but she worked it out and we had a great conversation. So good to see her pretty face and to talk about what a great visit we had last month - I saw my sweet Taylor and caught up on what was going on with them. Albeit, my sister scored very low on my "how well do you know Lesa quiz" on facebook - she knows me well and always gives me the love and support I need!!
Finally, my sweet husband - who was so tired but never fails to call me. He has been my partner through this entire process - seeing him puts my day to rest, gives me a chance to share all my feelings and know that he is my biggest fan. He is my greatest blessing!!
My good friend Tracy always keeps in touch - and always encourages me and prays for me and my family!! My Mom has been Queen Skyper and I am so proud that she has overcome her technology challenges and that I can see her beautiful smile on a constant basis!!
My cousin Sandy - who is like a sister to me - reads my blog to her co-workers everyday and I feel as if she is sharing this experience with me. I always miss her and now that I am further away in miles than I have ever been from her, I have never felt closer to her!!
Then there are my friends here in Nicaragua who are always there with a sympathetic ear and a warm hug. Michele, Jason, Trish, Matt, Maria Jose, Cynthia....and of course all my kids. They make me smile when I am having a bad day - they are always happy to see me and help me remember what is really important.
I have heard from so many of my dear friends, commenting on my blogs, emailing me, calling me - each and everyone means the world to me. There are so many people who approach my husband and tell them that they read my blog - that they are keeping me in their thoughts and prayers!! I could NOT do this without the love and support of my friends - so I want to thank you - thank each and every one of you for your love and support. You make the days go by faster and give me the security in knowing that I am supported through every step I take here!!
My husband is always asking me what I will "take home" from this experience...this is sometimes a difficult thing to define but what I do know that I will take home is that I am blessed and surrounded with the most beautiful, loving and caring people. We often take these relationships for granted....I will not going forward...I KNOW how much I am loved and supported....pretty amazing gift to bring home, don't you think?
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Relaxation
Happy Sunday!! It's always my favorite day here in Nicaragua...actually, I think it's always my favorite day of the week. Church with good friends, some alone time with God, lunch with my family (of course, in Nicaragua missing my sweet husband) and some relaxation. That seems to be a word I have been using a lot lately...one that I have been striving to achieve.
I did have some relaxation today - our visit to the orphanage was short this morning - we went to church and then fed the community some ice cream but since I forgot to pack our lunches today - we decided to be picked up early and go to lunch together as a family. It was "almost" like how it is at home (except again, missing one key person)!! We did some grocery shopping and then came home for some...yes, "relaxation"!!
Martita and I took a little nap and I was so proud of my girl today. She listened so well!! Her first challenge was to not have ice cream with the rest of the kids at the orphanage and the community - I explained to her that after lunch....ice cream for us!! She actually listened - albeit, she gave me quite the dirty look, and waited to indulge. Then when it was nap time - her next BIG challenge - she went right to sleep. This is a big obstacle for us everyday - she fights me and doesn't listen and almost daily - loses privileges such as pool, TV and her DVD movies. When I checked on her and she was fast asleep....I was yes, "relaxed". So much so, I took a short nap myself!!!
We then went to the pool - we haven't been for several days due to our hectic schedule, so the girls' were very excited and enjoyed the hour we were there. We went to dinner with our friends, the Tomzacks at a pizza place that is very close to the house - the food was great and the company even better. Again, my Martita, Lucie and Scarlett were so well behaved!!
This is our week for the Consejo. They were originally "suppose" to meet last Monday - and then, last Friday and tomorrow starts another week of when they are "suppose" to meet. I was told that for sure it will be Friday - but possibly sooner. So - please pray for some good news!! Once the Consejo meets, we still have many things to accomplish but our biggest challenge has ALWAYS been when the Consejo meets - so we will celebrate this when it happens and be one step closer to coming home!! My husband will be here soon and I want celebrate this...together!!
I still feel exhausted and am looking forward to another relaxing day tomorrow. But it is needed greatly and I'm looking forward to it!!
I did have some relaxation today - our visit to the orphanage was short this morning - we went to church and then fed the community some ice cream but since I forgot to pack our lunches today - we decided to be picked up early and go to lunch together as a family. It was "almost" like how it is at home (except again, missing one key person)!! We did some grocery shopping and then came home for some...yes, "relaxation"!!
Martita and I took a little nap and I was so proud of my girl today. She listened so well!! Her first challenge was to not have ice cream with the rest of the kids at the orphanage and the community - I explained to her that after lunch....ice cream for us!! She actually listened - albeit, she gave me quite the dirty look, and waited to indulge. Then when it was nap time - her next BIG challenge - she went right to sleep. This is a big obstacle for us everyday - she fights me and doesn't listen and almost daily - loses privileges such as pool, TV and her DVD movies. When I checked on her and she was fast asleep....I was yes, "relaxed". So much so, I took a short nap myself!!!
We then went to the pool - we haven't been for several days due to our hectic schedule, so the girls' were very excited and enjoyed the hour we were there. We went to dinner with our friends, the Tomzacks at a pizza place that is very close to the house - the food was great and the company even better. Again, my Martita, Lucie and Scarlett were so well behaved!!
This is our week for the Consejo. They were originally "suppose" to meet last Monday - and then, last Friday and tomorrow starts another week of when they are "suppose" to meet. I was told that for sure it will be Friday - but possibly sooner. So - please pray for some good news!! Once the Consejo meets, we still have many things to accomplish but our biggest challenge has ALWAYS been when the Consejo meets - so we will celebrate this when it happens and be one step closer to coming home!! My husband will be here soon and I want celebrate this...together!!
I still feel exhausted and am looking forward to another relaxing day tomorrow. But it is needed greatly and I'm looking forward to it!!
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Good, Bad and Ugly
I hope that I didn't freak anyone out with my last bold blog!! Although we have and continue to have some great times here in Nicaragua, there is always an underlining stress and frustration that I have while I'm here. I'm sorry to have been so down last night - I try so hard to be strong but when I do write how I feel, honestly, it helps me work through my feelings. Another reason I am blogging this entire experience is to have an account for our Martita when she gets older - I want her to know the good, the bad and the ugly!!
The good - my beautiful girls (sometimes there are also the bad and the ugly!!!), my supportive husband, the people of Nicaragua, the other adoptive families, the children at the orphanage and all the new experiences.
The bad - my husband is not with me, the bugs, the bugs, the bugs, no air conditioning, no dish washer, no hot water, no washing machine, no dryer (the list goes on and on)
The ugly - the bugs, the heat, the adoption process and my mood from time to time.
So please be patient with me if from time to time - I let off some steam. I have come back from my mini-breakdown and with the support of my husband and friends, will make these next few weeks as positive as I can!!
I have one quick story to tell you all before I go - when we got home from the beach today there was an extremely large butterfly (again, I could be completely wrong as this could be some other type of creature) in our kitchen. It was black and scary looking. It was flying about trying to get out of the house. It settled on the kitchen window, where it stayed for quite some time - after dinner, I have to shut that window so I can minimize the bug situation. All the girls were in the kitchen helping me clean up and I knew I had to close the window and this would cause havoc. I closed the window, the butterfly demon started to fly around and I encouraged Scarlett to pick it up by it's wings and through it outside. She looked at me like I had 6 heads!!!
Then it hit me....Martita our bug killer!! I called her over and explained to her what I wanted - she went after the demon and grabbed it's wing....it flew out of her hand...she tried again and again...we were all encouraging her "you can do it Martita...get um" - finally, she grabbed it and squeezed it hard and went to throw it out the door - as soon as she did, the little bugger flew right back in!! Lucie gave a blood-curling scream, as did her older sister and Martita started jumping up and down (I'm sure wondering...what are all these crazy gringo's doing??!!?) I must admit that I was completely freaked-out myself at this point!!
With all the confusion, we lost the creature in the house - I finally spotted it on the dining room chair and pointed it out to my youngest daughter and said "Get um"!!! This time when she stepped out of the house, with the demon in hand, I closed the door to ensure it could not fly back in - however, my Martita was out there as well!!! So we brought her back in and the demon was out!!! Kudos to my Martita the bug killer!!!
Here's to a great rest of the weekend - to a light heart - to a quick smile and to focus on the good - not the bad and not the ugly!!
The good - my beautiful girls (sometimes there are also the bad and the ugly!!!), my supportive husband, the people of Nicaragua, the other adoptive families, the children at the orphanage and all the new experiences.
The bad - my husband is not with me, the bugs, the bugs, the bugs, no air conditioning, no dish washer, no hot water, no washing machine, no dryer (the list goes on and on)
The ugly - the bugs, the heat, the adoption process and my mood from time to time.
So please be patient with me if from time to time - I let off some steam. I have come back from my mini-breakdown and with the support of my husband and friends, will make these next few weeks as positive as I can!!
I have one quick story to tell you all before I go - when we got home from the beach today there was an extremely large butterfly (again, I could be completely wrong as this could be some other type of creature) in our kitchen. It was black and scary looking. It was flying about trying to get out of the house. It settled on the kitchen window, where it stayed for quite some time - after dinner, I have to shut that window so I can minimize the bug situation. All the girls were in the kitchen helping me clean up and I knew I had to close the window and this would cause havoc. I closed the window, the butterfly demon started to fly around and I encouraged Scarlett to pick it up by it's wings and through it outside. She looked at me like I had 6 heads!!!
Then it hit me....Martita our bug killer!! I called her over and explained to her what I wanted - she went after the demon and grabbed it's wing....it flew out of her hand...she tried again and again...we were all encouraging her "you can do it Martita...get um" - finally, she grabbed it and squeezed it hard and went to throw it out the door - as soon as she did, the little bugger flew right back in!! Lucie gave a blood-curling scream, as did her older sister and Martita started jumping up and down (I'm sure wondering...what are all these crazy gringo's doing??!!?) I must admit that I was completely freaked-out myself at this point!!
With all the confusion, we lost the creature in the house - I finally spotted it on the dining room chair and pointed it out to my youngest daughter and said "Get um"!!! This time when she stepped out of the house, with the demon in hand, I closed the door to ensure it could not fly back in - however, my Martita was out there as well!!! So we brought her back in and the demon was out!!! Kudos to my Martita the bug killer!!!
Here's to a great rest of the weekend - to a light heart - to a quick smile and to focus on the good - not the bad and not the ugly!!
Friday, June 26, 2009
Can I come back?
Today was a very busy day for me - started out great but turned into a very difficult one - my most difficult to date.
We got up early for a run because we were meeting our friends, Jason, Michele and Jonathan to go to Granada. They know of the best breakfast place in the area and wanted to take us - so we met up at 8:30 and went to Granada. Jason and Michele have this tiny, tiny car - and Scarlett, Lucie, Martita, Jonathan and myself all sat in the backseat - it was extremely tight quarters and the ride is a little over an hour long. Once we got there, the smell of waffles put a smile on all our faces and we proceeded to have an incredible breakfast! Blueberry waffles, banana pancakes, country sausage, bacon and the best coffee I have ever had. It was delicious!! We then attempted to work off some of the calories by walking the streets of Granada. It is really a beautiful town with lots of North Americans and Europeans. It was so nice to hear English being spoke everywhere we went - we stopped at a couple of hotels to check out the rooms and make some future plans. My husband is coming in 2 weeks for a short trip (3 days) and we are going to head straight for Granada and stay in a beautiful hotel to get away from Managua - I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO IT!!!
On our way home - Jason got pulled over by the police. This is a common occurrence and we sat in the car and pretended to not speak any Spanish (this has proven to be a good tactic - frustrate the police and they "may" let you go) - albeit, it didn't work out for us this time. They claimed that Jason had made an illegal turn - which was pretty amazing since we were on a road going straight for about 10 miles BEFORE we saw the police and another 20 miles AFTER!!! Corruption!!
When we got home - our cab driver, Norman was waiting for us - he was taking us to Mi Familia - we rushed to go to the bathroom - stretch our legs a little and the girls got a serious talk from me about where we were going and what it entailed. When we are at Mi Familia - it is so important for the girls to be well behaved - it is a stressful time - a time for me to convey our frustrations, learn about the next steps and get in the best favor we can to expedite the process. I explained this all to the girls and told them that we are here not for all the fun in the sun - trips to Granada or the orphanage but here for the adoption of Martita and these meetings were critical to make that happen.
We were seen immediately by Arly when we got there (which is a miracle in itself) - I left Scarlett, Lucie and Martita in the main lobby when Carlos (our interpreter), Arly and myself went into the back office to discuss our case. As I was explaining why we needed to be heard as soon as possible and was learning of when the consejo would meet - I could hear my children yelling and screaming from the lobby. They were not fighting but playing. After I explained how important it was for them to be quiet and well behaved. I just wanted to cry. Then Arly told me that the consejo was postponed until July 3rd and I about lost it.
I kept a smile on my face - thanked Arly for his time and asked him to please keep us in consideration during the process. We had a meeting immediately following with our lawyer Nubia - when I saw the girls, I just frowned at them and said "you are all in so much trouble". We met Nubia outside the office and she proceeded to explain all the potential issues that may come up and delay our case even longer. There may be problems with the birth certificate - there may be another delay in the consejo....I didn't really know how to respond except to say that we have done EVERYTHING they have asked us, when they have asked us and that we deserve to be a priority case at this point.
On the way home, I kept thinking how frustrated I am - how angry I am - but knew I had to keep it together. I explained to Norman our situation and all he could say was how sorry he was for our troubles.
Martita was sent to her room as soon as we got home and I asked the two older girls to decide what they felt was the best punishment for them. I made dinner, cleaned the house and got ready for our trip to the orphanage tomorrow. Then I skyped my husband and that's when I lost it. I explained the day and just cried and cried. I told him how frustrated I am - how I have no control over the adoption process - how our lawyer is so falling short of her responsibilities and how our children were completely misbehaving. I told him that I'm done and I want to come home. Tim talked to the girls directly and reinforced everything I had told him - he is such a great parent and parnter.
I am so afraid to let my guard down and to cry. I am so afraid that I won't be able to come back from it. I won't be able to rise above again and be positive. It really scares me. I try so hard to be strong - to be the best Mom I can and I am really done with all of it right now. I don't care that the government here sucks, that the process is ridiculous or that it's someone else's fault...I just want to go home with my family.
In the middle of my breakdown - I told my husband that the final straw tonight was when I went to kill an ant in the kitchen when I was cooking dinner - the little shit actually flew at me!! Ants that fly....you cannot be serious!!! I'm afraid to ask "what else can happen?"
We still have such a long road ahead of us and I am hitting the wall. I don't want to do it anymore - I know I have to and that I have no option but to stick it out - but it sucks!! I know someday I will look back at this experience and only remember the good times....that the difficult times will make me a stronger person...but being in the middle of it - nothing looks bright now. I don't know how much more I take....and if another issue comes up - what will I do?
I'm sorry to be such a downer, but I am feeling very lonesome and lost right now. I've already had two glasses of wine and peanut M&M's...what more can I indulge in? I will have a good nights sleep and everything will look brighter in the morning, right? We are going to the orphanage and then we are all getting on a bus and going to the beach. I think that's exactly what I need, a fix with all my kids - they always give me strength.
Here's to a better and brighter tomorrow and to me coming back to myself!!
We got up early for a run because we were meeting our friends, Jason, Michele and Jonathan to go to Granada. They know of the best breakfast place in the area and wanted to take us - so we met up at 8:30 and went to Granada. Jason and Michele have this tiny, tiny car - and Scarlett, Lucie, Martita, Jonathan and myself all sat in the backseat - it was extremely tight quarters and the ride is a little over an hour long. Once we got there, the smell of waffles put a smile on all our faces and we proceeded to have an incredible breakfast! Blueberry waffles, banana pancakes, country sausage, bacon and the best coffee I have ever had. It was delicious!! We then attempted to work off some of the calories by walking the streets of Granada. It is really a beautiful town with lots of North Americans and Europeans. It was so nice to hear English being spoke everywhere we went - we stopped at a couple of hotels to check out the rooms and make some future plans. My husband is coming in 2 weeks for a short trip (3 days) and we are going to head straight for Granada and stay in a beautiful hotel to get away from Managua - I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO IT!!!
On our way home - Jason got pulled over by the police. This is a common occurrence and we sat in the car and pretended to not speak any Spanish (this has proven to be a good tactic - frustrate the police and they "may" let you go) - albeit, it didn't work out for us this time. They claimed that Jason had made an illegal turn - which was pretty amazing since we were on a road going straight for about 10 miles BEFORE we saw the police and another 20 miles AFTER!!! Corruption!!
When we got home - our cab driver, Norman was waiting for us - he was taking us to Mi Familia - we rushed to go to the bathroom - stretch our legs a little and the girls got a serious talk from me about where we were going and what it entailed. When we are at Mi Familia - it is so important for the girls to be well behaved - it is a stressful time - a time for me to convey our frustrations, learn about the next steps and get in the best favor we can to expedite the process. I explained this all to the girls and told them that we are here not for all the fun in the sun - trips to Granada or the orphanage but here for the adoption of Martita and these meetings were critical to make that happen.
We were seen immediately by Arly when we got there (which is a miracle in itself) - I left Scarlett, Lucie and Martita in the main lobby when Carlos (our interpreter), Arly and myself went into the back office to discuss our case. As I was explaining why we needed to be heard as soon as possible and was learning of when the consejo would meet - I could hear my children yelling and screaming from the lobby. They were not fighting but playing. After I explained how important it was for them to be quiet and well behaved. I just wanted to cry. Then Arly told me that the consejo was postponed until July 3rd and I about lost it.
I kept a smile on my face - thanked Arly for his time and asked him to please keep us in consideration during the process. We had a meeting immediately following with our lawyer Nubia - when I saw the girls, I just frowned at them and said "you are all in so much trouble". We met Nubia outside the office and she proceeded to explain all the potential issues that may come up and delay our case even longer. There may be problems with the birth certificate - there may be another delay in the consejo....I didn't really know how to respond except to say that we have done EVERYTHING they have asked us, when they have asked us and that we deserve to be a priority case at this point.
On the way home, I kept thinking how frustrated I am - how angry I am - but knew I had to keep it together. I explained to Norman our situation and all he could say was how sorry he was for our troubles.
Martita was sent to her room as soon as we got home and I asked the two older girls to decide what they felt was the best punishment for them. I made dinner, cleaned the house and got ready for our trip to the orphanage tomorrow. Then I skyped my husband and that's when I lost it. I explained the day and just cried and cried. I told him how frustrated I am - how I have no control over the adoption process - how our lawyer is so falling short of her responsibilities and how our children were completely misbehaving. I told him that I'm done and I want to come home. Tim talked to the girls directly and reinforced everything I had told him - he is such a great parent and parnter.
I am so afraid to let my guard down and to cry. I am so afraid that I won't be able to come back from it. I won't be able to rise above again and be positive. It really scares me. I try so hard to be strong - to be the best Mom I can and I am really done with all of it right now. I don't care that the government here sucks, that the process is ridiculous or that it's someone else's fault...I just want to go home with my family.
In the middle of my breakdown - I told my husband that the final straw tonight was when I went to kill an ant in the kitchen when I was cooking dinner - the little shit actually flew at me!! Ants that fly....you cannot be serious!!! I'm afraid to ask "what else can happen?"
We still have such a long road ahead of us and I am hitting the wall. I don't want to do it anymore - I know I have to and that I have no option but to stick it out - but it sucks!! I know someday I will look back at this experience and only remember the good times....that the difficult times will make me a stronger person...but being in the middle of it - nothing looks bright now. I don't know how much more I take....and if another issue comes up - what will I do?
I'm sorry to be such a downer, but I am feeling very lonesome and lost right now. I've already had two glasses of wine and peanut M&M's...what more can I indulge in? I will have a good nights sleep and everything will look brighter in the morning, right? We are going to the orphanage and then we are all getting on a bus and going to the beach. I think that's exactly what I need, a fix with all my kids - they always give me strength.
Here's to a better and brighter tomorrow and to me coming back to myself!!
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Dia de Norman
Today was another amazing day!! The unexpected happened...I think that is the only constant for me here in Nicaragua (well, there's also the bugs, the electricity going out, my kids driving me crazy and the smothering heat).
We started our day with our run - Scarlett is doing so great - she has been running with me in the morning and doing a fabulous job - I'm proud of her and it is the BEST way to start my day!! We were woken up this morning by our new best friend, Jacklyn - who cleaned our casita and washed our clothes...I love her so much!! My husband said that waking up to Jacklyn is "almost" as good as waking up with him. Usually - I would say that's true...but I'm missing my husband a lot right now...so it's a far second for me!
We were met by our cab driver and friend, Norman at 11:30 to go to Casa Bernabe and meet with Alberto. During our cab ride, Norman told me his story. He had actually grown up at Casa Bernabe from the age of 5 until he was 14 years old. He told me how happy he was there - how good everyone was to him and how great the school was - he was looking forward to seeing it again. I asked him to talk to Alberto about his experience - I thought it would help Alberto know what a great opportunity he has there.
When we arrived, Norman kept saying how much the place had changed - it had been 20 years since he had been there. We met up with Alberto - visited for awhile - he is doing very well - he has made a few friends and finds his new home very relaxing and fun. We took a tour of the campus - I wanted to see the place I had originally stayed at - which was torn down and a beautiful large building now houses the missionaries. All the rooms have air conditioning - hot water - showers - GORGEOUS!!! I ran into a few friends, met a few new people and then we walked back to the car - while we were saying goodbye to Alberto - Norman was talking to an older man - he was very animated but I didn't know what he was saying. When we finished saying our goodbye's - I looked over at Norman and signaled..."let's go". He said "Wait just a minute" - he came over to me and asked for a pen and paper and then went back to the older man - we left about 5 minutes later and Norman told me that this man was an old friend of his - this man worked at the orphanage and helped raise him and his brother! He hadn't talked or seen him in 20 years and the man remembered Norman immediately. He got all his contact information and then told me with tears in his eyes "thank you so much Lesa - I am very happy"!! He kept smiling and thanking me all the way home. HOW AWESOME IS THAT?!?! I was so happy to see him so happy - it was a very moving experience for me. I told Norman that I think he should spend time at Casa Bernabe - sharing his story with the older boys - mentoring them. This place was so important to him and he can really make a difference with those children. AWESOME!!!
We had a party to attend at Puente de Amistad - our sweet Isiasas had his going away party - he is being adopted by a couple who lives in the French Riviera .... hello?!?! Maria Jose kept saying "don't forget me" I think she is dreaming of visiting them very soon!! ;) We had two pinatas - and Lucie was the first child to get the first piece of candy from the pinata - this is a big deal because she has always been afraid of "diving in" with the rest of the kids - and rightly so, it's insane!! So our girl is definitely acclimating herself. We had a blast with the kids and said goodbye to both Isiasas and our dear friend Allyson who is going back to the states tonight - we will miss them both.
Such an emotional day - filled with love, tears, fun and surprise. I know this day has impacted Norman - deeply - again, Alberto has made a difference is someone else's life - it's amazing how God works!!
We started our day with our run - Scarlett is doing so great - she has been running with me in the morning and doing a fabulous job - I'm proud of her and it is the BEST way to start my day!! We were woken up this morning by our new best friend, Jacklyn - who cleaned our casita and washed our clothes...I love her so much!! My husband said that waking up to Jacklyn is "almost" as good as waking up with him. Usually - I would say that's true...but I'm missing my husband a lot right now...so it's a far second for me!
We were met by our cab driver and friend, Norman at 11:30 to go to Casa Bernabe and meet with Alberto. During our cab ride, Norman told me his story. He had actually grown up at Casa Bernabe from the age of 5 until he was 14 years old. He told me how happy he was there - how good everyone was to him and how great the school was - he was looking forward to seeing it again. I asked him to talk to Alberto about his experience - I thought it would help Alberto know what a great opportunity he has there.
When we arrived, Norman kept saying how much the place had changed - it had been 20 years since he had been there. We met up with Alberto - visited for awhile - he is doing very well - he has made a few friends and finds his new home very relaxing and fun. We took a tour of the campus - I wanted to see the place I had originally stayed at - which was torn down and a beautiful large building now houses the missionaries. All the rooms have air conditioning - hot water - showers - GORGEOUS!!! I ran into a few friends, met a few new people and then we walked back to the car - while we were saying goodbye to Alberto - Norman was talking to an older man - he was very animated but I didn't know what he was saying. When we finished saying our goodbye's - I looked over at Norman and signaled..."let's go". He said "Wait just a minute" - he came over to me and asked for a pen and paper and then went back to the older man - we left about 5 minutes later and Norman told me that this man was an old friend of his - this man worked at the orphanage and helped raise him and his brother! He hadn't talked or seen him in 20 years and the man remembered Norman immediately. He got all his contact information and then told me with tears in his eyes "thank you so much Lesa - I am very happy"!! He kept smiling and thanking me all the way home. HOW AWESOME IS THAT?!?! I was so happy to see him so happy - it was a very moving experience for me. I told Norman that I think he should spend time at Casa Bernabe - sharing his story with the older boys - mentoring them. This place was so important to him and he can really make a difference with those children. AWESOME!!!
We had a party to attend at Puente de Amistad - our sweet Isiasas had his going away party - he is being adopted by a couple who lives in the French Riviera .... hello?!?! Maria Jose kept saying "don't forget me" I think she is dreaming of visiting them very soon!! ;) We had two pinatas - and Lucie was the first child to get the first piece of candy from the pinata - this is a big deal because she has always been afraid of "diving in" with the rest of the kids - and rightly so, it's insane!! So our girl is definitely acclimating herself. We had a blast with the kids and said goodbye to both Isiasas and our dear friend Allyson who is going back to the states tonight - we will miss them both.
Such an emotional day - filled with love, tears, fun and surprise. I know this day has impacted Norman - deeply - again, Alberto has made a difference is someone else's life - it's amazing how God works!!
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Dia de Lucie
We have now been in Nicaragua for 42 days (not that I’m counting). During this time, everyone to include myself, my husband and Scarlett have had a “break” from the Nicaragua experience….everyone except Lucie. I know how I feel when I have been with the kids for an entire day and cannot wait for them to go to bed so I can have some time to myself. Lucie very seldom gets that kind of time, so I imagined how awesome it would be to take my Goose out for the day...just her and me...no other kids to compete with, no sharing, no communication issues, just her Mom to hang out with who would devote the entire day to her. What she wants to do, where she wants to go and be completely focused on only her, so today was “Dia de Lucie”.
We’ve been talking about our special day for about a week now. Lucie’s favorite movie is Transformers (ET is a close second - she is a Speilberg fan!!!) so when Transformers 2 came out - I knew that this would be on the top of her list - to see her favorite movie!! So we got picked up at 11:00 this morning from Norman – I dropped Scarlett and Martita with my friend Trish, and Lucie and I went to CentroMetro Mall. This is the only place I knew that Transformers 2 would be in English and subtitled. The movie didn’t start until 2:30 – so we had a lot of time to hang out. We went into lots of shops – some for Lucie and some for Mom – everywhere we went – people would stop and stare at us – usually, I am with a large group of people when I go to the mall, so I think I noticed it a lot more today – but everyone would smile when they saw us. Lucie was complimented so often – “what beautiful hair you have” “you have gorgeous eyes”… after a few compliments, Lucie decided that she didn’t want to get her hair cut after all (Mommy is VERY happy about that)!!
We ate lunch at McDonalds (yes, I ate at a fast food place!! I'm also hanging out with Gecko's...don't judge me!!!) and Lucie would just stop eating and look up at me and I would say “What?” and she would say “I’m so happy to be here with you Mommy!!” ;) Precious times…precious girl!! We then watched our movie – it’s almost 3 hours long and very, very exciting!! I thought Lucie might be scared a couple of times but I would hold her hand and she would just smile at me. A couple of times she said she was cold and wanted to sit in my lap – the cold times seem to align with the scary parts of the movie!!
Walking hand in hand with my Lucie is such a joy to me. I love the unique person she is – how she is never afraid to say what she likes/wants and has her own identity. She has been the most amazing big sister to Martita – of course, they argue and struggle to find their place, but she is so patient with Martita. Showing her how things work, communicating so well, and loving and caring for her. I could not ask for more from her.
I think about all that I am sacrificing being here in Nicaragua – all that my husband is sacrificing – then I realize that Lucie is giving up so much! She was the baby of the family – she had a lot more of my time and her Daddy’s – she had school to finish – friends to be with and sports to play…. Everything put on hold for our Nicaragua adventure. So here’s to “Dia de Lucie” – I am so proud of the person you are becoming and treasured this day we spent together!!!
We’ve been talking about our special day for about a week now. Lucie’s favorite movie is Transformers (ET is a close second - she is a Speilberg fan!!!) so when Transformers 2 came out - I knew that this would be on the top of her list - to see her favorite movie!! So we got picked up at 11:00 this morning from Norman – I dropped Scarlett and Martita with my friend Trish, and Lucie and I went to CentroMetro Mall. This is the only place I knew that Transformers 2 would be in English and subtitled. The movie didn’t start until 2:30 – so we had a lot of time to hang out. We went into lots of shops – some for Lucie and some for Mom – everywhere we went – people would stop and stare at us – usually, I am with a large group of people when I go to the mall, so I think I noticed it a lot more today – but everyone would smile when they saw us. Lucie was complimented so often – “what beautiful hair you have” “you have gorgeous eyes”… after a few compliments, Lucie decided that she didn’t want to get her hair cut after all (Mommy is VERY happy about that)!!
We ate lunch at McDonalds (yes, I ate at a fast food place!! I'm also hanging out with Gecko's...don't judge me!!!) and Lucie would just stop eating and look up at me and I would say “What?” and she would say “I’m so happy to be here with you Mommy!!” ;) Precious times…precious girl!! We then watched our movie – it’s almost 3 hours long and very, very exciting!! I thought Lucie might be scared a couple of times but I would hold her hand and she would just smile at me. A couple of times she said she was cold and wanted to sit in my lap – the cold times seem to align with the scary parts of the movie!!
Walking hand in hand with my Lucie is such a joy to me. I love the unique person she is – how she is never afraid to say what she likes/wants and has her own identity. She has been the most amazing big sister to Martita – of course, they argue and struggle to find their place, but she is so patient with Martita. Showing her how things work, communicating so well, and loving and caring for her. I could not ask for more from her.
I think about all that I am sacrificing being here in Nicaragua – all that my husband is sacrificing – then I realize that Lucie is giving up so much! She was the baby of the family – she had a lot more of my time and her Daddy’s – she had school to finish – friends to be with and sports to play…. Everything put on hold for our Nicaragua adventure. So here’s to “Dia de Lucie” – I am so proud of the person you are becoming and treasured this day we spent together!!!
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Feeling safe...
I am blogging right now with my dear friend, Optimise. Optimise is our newest Gecko who is extremely active...it seems when I am winding down at night - turn the TV off and the girls are in bed, Optimise wants to be sure I'm not lonely...so he's here with me now. I must admit that I'm not sure it's Optimise...it could be one of our other 3 Gecko's but since Optimise is named after "Optimise Prime" from the movie Transformers...he makes me feel safe. He loves bugs and I love him!!! I may be losing it...having a Gecko as a security blanket is a little off, right?!?!
Safety is something that I have always had and needed. I know many people can agree with the need for safety but when I feel safe, I can function. At our complex, we have many guards and it is gated and I have felt pretty safe here.
My friend, Trish called me early this morning because she needed to talk to the owners and wanted me to watch her children for her - she received a knock on her back door about 4:00 AM from a man she doesn't know and it really shook her up. She lives on the upper floor in one of the 2 bedroom units and has been here for about a month longer than we have - never had a problem until now. She talked to the owners and they know this man as one of the tenants and will handle the problem.
When things like this happen - it makes me more aware of the situation I am in - how I need to always been on alert to ensure my children and I are safe.
We went to the market today - a local market - to purchase some clothes for Alberto. Our cab driver went with us - took us to the right place and did all the negotiating for us as well - he was really great to have with us! He told me to leave my sunglasses in the car and to hold tight to my purse....again, maybe not the safest situation (where's Optimise when I really need him!!!)
I held on tight to my kids and everything went very smoothly. Shop owners were very welcoming to us - smiled - talked to us and of course, touched Lucie's hair!! When we were leaving, our friend and cab driver Norman, took Lucie's hand and walked her back to the car - we have been blessed with so many wonderful people here...people who take care of us.
I know that there is a lot of theft in Nicaragua due to the poverty but this is a place where I do feel safe. I take precautions and am always on guard (which I think is appropriate) but I do have a sense of home and safety albeit, I am far from both. Again, I think it's because of the people and I am so glad to have them here with me during this journey.
Tomorrow is another busy day for us - I am hoping to have some one-on-one time with Lucie - we have a meeting at Mi Familia and some more shopping to do for Alberto. I'm exhausted and not very witty tonight - but wish all my loved ones a great evening - a fabulous day tomorrow and know how much we love and miss you all -
Safety is something that I have always had and needed. I know many people can agree with the need for safety but when I feel safe, I can function. At our complex, we have many guards and it is gated and I have felt pretty safe here.
My friend, Trish called me early this morning because she needed to talk to the owners and wanted me to watch her children for her - she received a knock on her back door about 4:00 AM from a man she doesn't know and it really shook her up. She lives on the upper floor in one of the 2 bedroom units and has been here for about a month longer than we have - never had a problem until now. She talked to the owners and they know this man as one of the tenants and will handle the problem.
When things like this happen - it makes me more aware of the situation I am in - how I need to always been on alert to ensure my children and I are safe.
We went to the market today - a local market - to purchase some clothes for Alberto. Our cab driver went with us - took us to the right place and did all the negotiating for us as well - he was really great to have with us! He told me to leave my sunglasses in the car and to hold tight to my purse....again, maybe not the safest situation (where's Optimise when I really need him!!!)
I held on tight to my kids and everything went very smoothly. Shop owners were very welcoming to us - smiled - talked to us and of course, touched Lucie's hair!! When we were leaving, our friend and cab driver Norman, took Lucie's hand and walked her back to the car - we have been blessed with so many wonderful people here...people who take care of us.
I know that there is a lot of theft in Nicaragua due to the poverty but this is a place where I do feel safe. I take precautions and am always on guard (which I think is appropriate) but I do have a sense of home and safety albeit, I am far from both. Again, I think it's because of the people and I am so glad to have them here with me during this journey.
Tomorrow is another busy day for us - I am hoping to have some one-on-one time with Lucie - we have a meeting at Mi Familia and some more shopping to do for Alberto. I'm exhausted and not very witty tonight - but wish all my loved ones a great evening - a fabulous day tomorrow and know how much we love and miss you all -
Monday, June 22, 2009
A little control today...
First - I want to thank everyone who comments on my blog - for those of you who send words of encouragement and support - you have no idea what it means to me...so please, keep reading and keep praying and keep those comments coming....they are my life line!!
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Today was when the Consejo was to meet - not unexpected - but still disappointing - we learned that they did not meet today! So again, we find ourselves in a holding pattern - they may possibly meet sometime this week but for sure, next Monday - that is what we are being told. Tim and I have never known the Consejo to meet when they say they will - we hear from all our contacts that yes, they are meeting and then they don't. What I have learned is that I have no control over this and all I can do is ...... wait!!
Well, I had bigger plans today besides waiting to see if the Consejo would meet or not - I had plans to take a very special young man to his new home! Let me tell you a little bit about Alberto. Many of you know about Alberto - he has been one of the young men at Puente de Amistad since I have been going there - Alberto is one of the special children who stand out - he connects with so many people on many different levels. He wants to know who you are, all about your family and why you come to Nicaragua. He is a spiritual young man - who loves God and has such a strong spirit. He has touched many people.
Alberto is 17 and due to his age, was asked to leave the orphanage. Last Spring when our team was here, Alberto was making plans to go home to his family. His family life has been difficult - his mother is a prostitute, he doesn't know where his father is, he has several siblings who are also struggling - I met his young 14 year old sister who had just had a baby. Alberto wanted to go home and support his family in any way he could.
Soon after Alberto went home - he realized that the situation was dire. They had no food, he could not attend school and he was seen in the streets of Managua begging for money. This young man with so much potential was now in a very bad situation. When we heard of this, we started to look at options - the organization we work with, OrphaNetwork assisted us in identifying places he could go that would support him.
When I came to Nicaragua - I asked Maria Jose (director of the orphanage) what the status was with Alberto and I found out that he was still in the streets. So I contacted OrphaNetwork and discussed options with them - we had several conversations with Maria Jose - who contacted Alberto and asked him if he would be interested in living at Casa Bernabe.
Casa Bernabe is another orphanage outside of town that has many older children - they have a fabulous school (one of the best in Nicaragua) and they also teach the kids trades such as; bike repair, agriculture and baking/cooking, to help prepare them for the outside world. The issues were to insure that they had room for Alberto and that we could afford to send him. Well, we worked everything out and picked up Alberto today and took him to his new home!!
We met with the director, Carlos who explained all about Alberto's new home - we met with the psychologist who will assist him in the transition, and help Alberto get settled in his new room. We got a list of things he needs for school (uniform, school supplies etc...) and some things he wants (music, music, music) and the girls and I will be coming back on Thursday to check on him and bring him what he needs/wants. He is - of course - extremely apprehensive about his new surroundings, he doesn't know anyone and is starting over - but we explained to him how incredible it is that he has this chance to shine. He has opportunities again - he will be able to focus on school and his future!! I am so excited for him!!!
Driving away was difficult - he was walking by himself towards his house...walking slowly and with his head down. I kept imagining how scared he must be - how discouraged he must feel about his family and how he couldn't help them - how his dreams have been shattered. The loss that this young man has felt so early in his life - it's unimaginable.
We have been sharing Alberto's story with our church family and a very good friend of ours felt so devastated by his situation - she wanted to do something - so she went to a local food bank and donated food. If she couldn't help Alberto directly, she would help someone else. How amazing is that? Isn't that what we all should do when we feel helpless? Make a difference in any way we can? Our sweet Alberto is helping people he doesn't even know!!
Alberto helped me today. Helped me take a little control and to make something happen. To let him know how much he is loved and how we are all pulling for him. Today was a gift to me - one that will keep on giving as Alberto keeps on shining.
==================================================================
Today was when the Consejo was to meet - not unexpected - but still disappointing - we learned that they did not meet today! So again, we find ourselves in a holding pattern - they may possibly meet sometime this week but for sure, next Monday - that is what we are being told. Tim and I have never known the Consejo to meet when they say they will - we hear from all our contacts that yes, they are meeting and then they don't. What I have learned is that I have no control over this and all I can do is ...... wait!!
Well, I had bigger plans today besides waiting to see if the Consejo would meet or not - I had plans to take a very special young man to his new home! Let me tell you a little bit about Alberto. Many of you know about Alberto - he has been one of the young men at Puente de Amistad since I have been going there - Alberto is one of the special children who stand out - he connects with so many people on many different levels. He wants to know who you are, all about your family and why you come to Nicaragua. He is a spiritual young man - who loves God and has such a strong spirit. He has touched many people.
Alberto is 17 and due to his age, was asked to leave the orphanage. Last Spring when our team was here, Alberto was making plans to go home to his family. His family life has been difficult - his mother is a prostitute, he doesn't know where his father is, he has several siblings who are also struggling - I met his young 14 year old sister who had just had a baby. Alberto wanted to go home and support his family in any way he could.
Soon after Alberto went home - he realized that the situation was dire. They had no food, he could not attend school and he was seen in the streets of Managua begging for money. This young man with so much potential was now in a very bad situation. When we heard of this, we started to look at options - the organization we work with, OrphaNetwork assisted us in identifying places he could go that would support him.
When I came to Nicaragua - I asked Maria Jose (director of the orphanage) what the status was with Alberto and I found out that he was still in the streets. So I contacted OrphaNetwork and discussed options with them - we had several conversations with Maria Jose - who contacted Alberto and asked him if he would be interested in living at Casa Bernabe.
Casa Bernabe is another orphanage outside of town that has many older children - they have a fabulous school (one of the best in Nicaragua) and they also teach the kids trades such as; bike repair, agriculture and baking/cooking, to help prepare them for the outside world. The issues were to insure that they had room for Alberto and that we could afford to send him. Well, we worked everything out and picked up Alberto today and took him to his new home!!
We met with the director, Carlos who explained all about Alberto's new home - we met with the psychologist who will assist him in the transition, and help Alberto get settled in his new room. We got a list of things he needs for school (uniform, school supplies etc...) and some things he wants (music, music, music) and the girls and I will be coming back on Thursday to check on him and bring him what he needs/wants. He is - of course - extremely apprehensive about his new surroundings, he doesn't know anyone and is starting over - but we explained to him how incredible it is that he has this chance to shine. He has opportunities again - he will be able to focus on school and his future!! I am so excited for him!!!
Driving away was difficult - he was walking by himself towards his house...walking slowly and with his head down. I kept imagining how scared he must be - how discouraged he must feel about his family and how he couldn't help them - how his dreams have been shattered. The loss that this young man has felt so early in his life - it's unimaginable.
We have been sharing Alberto's story with our church family and a very good friend of ours felt so devastated by his situation - she wanted to do something - so she went to a local food bank and donated food. If she couldn't help Alberto directly, she would help someone else. How amazing is that? Isn't that what we all should do when we feel helpless? Make a difference in any way we can? Our sweet Alberto is helping people he doesn't even know!!
Alberto helped me today. Helped me take a little control and to make something happen. To let him know how much he is loved and how we are all pulling for him. Today was a gift to me - one that will keep on giving as Alberto keeps on shining.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Defiance.....
Defiance can be a good thing....it describes how strongly you believe in something...how strong your convictions are - however, defiance in a child can be a challenge. Our girl Martita is very defiant and today has been a tough day for us.
We went to the orphanage for church and as usual, it was an awesome experience. Pastor Josue gave tribute to the father's and their role in our lives. I was very emotional today, missing my husband and wishing he was with me. My husband is a true example of a great father - we spoke to him this morning - gave him a scavenger hunt that I set up when I was home - so he was running through the house, looking for his gifts. He started off the conversation with us this morning by telling his daughters why each one was special and what he loved most about them - it was a great start to the day.
When we are at the orphanage, Martita feels very at home at that is a good thing. What is challenging is that she doesn't listen to me as she does when we are by ourselves. She smiles when I tell her something, but continues on with what she wants to do. Albeit, we are in front of other people, I still discipline her and make sure that she understands that I am her Mother. It can be a challenge. Today, she was even more of a challenge.
We struggled through the morning - and came home to an even more challenging afternoon. Martita continued to challenge me - to not listen and be defiant. She was in time-out for most the afternoon and while in time out - acted out. She opened a window in her room and punched out a screen, she refused to sit in time out and was crying and screaming whenever punished. I got to a point today when I didn't know what to do to consequence her for her actions. It was a battle.
It made me realize that all the time I spend at the orphanage, the children are very seldom reprimanded. They are told not to do something but if they don't listen...the staff laugh and shake their heads. So do the rest of us. Because of the lack of discipline, the children do not understand why they can't do what they want to do. The messages I am sending Martita are conflicting with everything she has been brought up to know. She is struggling with where she fits and what to do. I know that she is a beautiful girl who wants to please...I am holding on to that when I am at my wits end.
I am getting a taste of how difficult this transition will be...how difficult it is now. I have to show Martita that she is loved, how she is part of our family but also needs to treat me with respect and her sisters as well.
I hope that we made some progress today - I know that I have to show her what is expected as a member of our family...I have to be tough now so that we can live in peace later - it's so difficult and I question how well I'm doing with my parenting skills. Being home with my husband as my partner will be a much more united front - but being here on my own is challenging for us all.
Defiance.....it's a good thing, right?!?!?!
We went to the orphanage for church and as usual, it was an awesome experience. Pastor Josue gave tribute to the father's and their role in our lives. I was very emotional today, missing my husband and wishing he was with me. My husband is a true example of a great father - we spoke to him this morning - gave him a scavenger hunt that I set up when I was home - so he was running through the house, looking for his gifts. He started off the conversation with us this morning by telling his daughters why each one was special and what he loved most about them - it was a great start to the day.
When we are at the orphanage, Martita feels very at home at that is a good thing. What is challenging is that she doesn't listen to me as she does when we are by ourselves. She smiles when I tell her something, but continues on with what she wants to do. Albeit, we are in front of other people, I still discipline her and make sure that she understands that I am her Mother. It can be a challenge. Today, she was even more of a challenge.
We struggled through the morning - and came home to an even more challenging afternoon. Martita continued to challenge me - to not listen and be defiant. She was in time-out for most the afternoon and while in time out - acted out. She opened a window in her room and punched out a screen, she refused to sit in time out and was crying and screaming whenever punished. I got to a point today when I didn't know what to do to consequence her for her actions. It was a battle.
It made me realize that all the time I spend at the orphanage, the children are very seldom reprimanded. They are told not to do something but if they don't listen...the staff laugh and shake their heads. So do the rest of us. Because of the lack of discipline, the children do not understand why they can't do what they want to do. The messages I am sending Martita are conflicting with everything she has been brought up to know. She is struggling with where she fits and what to do. I know that she is a beautiful girl who wants to please...I am holding on to that when I am at my wits end.
I am getting a taste of how difficult this transition will be...how difficult it is now. I have to show Martita that she is loved, how she is part of our family but also needs to treat me with respect and her sisters as well.
I hope that we made some progress today - I know that I have to show her what is expected as a member of our family...I have to be tough now so that we can live in peace later - it's so difficult and I question how well I'm doing with my parenting skills. Being home with my husband as my partner will be a much more united front - but being here on my own is challenging for us all.
Defiance.....it's a good thing, right?!?!?!
Saturday, June 20, 2009
I seriously am not making this stuff up!!!
Today is my Scarlett's Birthday! I started the morning off by telling her about the day she was born...how I knew when I was in labor...how I pushed for what seemed like a life-time and then this gorgeous baby girl came into the world with lots of dark hair and red tips!! All the nurses said she looked like she had frosted hair and they all took pictures of her. Having a child with dark hair is a rare thing in my family...Scarlett is the first and only one so far...I loved her from the second she was born - she continues to amaze me - her inner and outer beauty - her loving heart and great attitude and albeit she is 12 years old today (going on 20) she is a complete joy to me!!!
We planned to go to the beach - Scarlett loves the ocean - so Pacific, here we come!! Our good friend Maria Jose and her daughter - Alejandra came with us!! We were planning on going to a resort called "Montelemar" but when we got there - the prices were so high we opted for a neighboring beach "Vistamar". The roads in Nicaragua are very different than in the states - and the roads to the beach are even more "different". We made it to the beach safe and sound and enjoyed a day of fun in the sun.
On the way home however, our travels were a little more eventful. I promise, I am not making this stuff up!! We were on the road for about 10 minutes - it's about an hour drive in total - we were passing a large herd of cattle on the road....again, this is pretty common. I think there were about 30 cows in total and they were moving in the same direction we were - our cab driver, Herman honked his horn - moved over into the other lane (2 lane road) and we continued down the road passing the cattle - we were going about 40 miles an hour - when we passed about half the cattle, one very large black cow darted into the our lane....the cow was so close to the passenger side (which is where I was sitting) I could reach out and touch him!!! Herman quickly swerved the wheel - and we were so close to hitting the cow, I am still shocked that we didn't!! I yelled out "Jesus"!!! Lucie, Martita and Alejandra were asleep but woke up suddenly to the screaming and the car movement.
I was just catching my breath when Herman AGAIN turned the wheel suddenly and this time, we hit something!! He slowly stopped the car and started to back up...we were all screaming "what happened, what did we hit?" Herman stopped the car a few feet back and jumped out - he was messing around with something and then saying a few choice words...when he stood up he was holding a very large iguana!!! It had some blood on it's face and Herman was holding him at the neck...it was alive and not happy!! He had scratched Herman's hand in a couple of places and he too, was bleeding! There were people walking down the road and Herman asked a lady if she wanted the iguana - she smiled, walked across the street and grabbed it!! Alejandra looked at me smiling - I was in total shock and she explained that iguana is a very good tasting meal for people here. I seriously, am not making this stuff up!!
I started to think if I ever ate anything here that looked like an iguana and will definitely be on the look out from this day forward!!
We got back on the road towards home and I got a little shaken up about how close we came to hitting that cow and what is would have done for the 5 of us sitting in the backseat - with no seat belts and little protection. What amazes me is how Maria Jose, Alejandra and Herman reacted...like it was no big deal. I too, was very calm considering all that had happened.
Nicaragua continues to surprise me - there are so many things that happen that make me stop and think about how different my life is like in the states. What I will say is that it is never boring here...that I continue to learn more about myself and about my children and think what an awesome experience this is for my family.
I told Herman - "no more surprises please" and hope that I have no more cow stories to tell you - I also don't want anymore Gecko, cockroach or bug stories either!! Been there and done that!!
So today was an exciting birthday for my girl - I told her tonight how exciting it is to celebrate your birthday in Nicaragua - I then realized that Lucie celebrated her Birthday here this year as well (April 8th) as did I (May 16) - our prayer is that we will NOT be here to celebrate my husbands' which is in November!!!
Love and Blessings to you all - buenos noches!!
We planned to go to the beach - Scarlett loves the ocean - so Pacific, here we come!! Our good friend Maria Jose and her daughter - Alejandra came with us!! We were planning on going to a resort called "Montelemar" but when we got there - the prices were so high we opted for a neighboring beach "Vistamar". The roads in Nicaragua are very different than in the states - and the roads to the beach are even more "different". We made it to the beach safe and sound and enjoyed a day of fun in the sun.
On the way home however, our travels were a little more eventful. I promise, I am not making this stuff up!! We were on the road for about 10 minutes - it's about an hour drive in total - we were passing a large herd of cattle on the road....again, this is pretty common. I think there were about 30 cows in total and they were moving in the same direction we were - our cab driver, Herman honked his horn - moved over into the other lane (2 lane road) and we continued down the road passing the cattle - we were going about 40 miles an hour - when we passed about half the cattle, one very large black cow darted into the our lane....the cow was so close to the passenger side (which is where I was sitting) I could reach out and touch him!!! Herman quickly swerved the wheel - and we were so close to hitting the cow, I am still shocked that we didn't!! I yelled out "Jesus"!!! Lucie, Martita and Alejandra were asleep but woke up suddenly to the screaming and the car movement.
I was just catching my breath when Herman AGAIN turned the wheel suddenly and this time, we hit something!! He slowly stopped the car and started to back up...we were all screaming "what happened, what did we hit?" Herman stopped the car a few feet back and jumped out - he was messing around with something and then saying a few choice words...when he stood up he was holding a very large iguana!!! It had some blood on it's face and Herman was holding him at the neck...it was alive and not happy!! He had scratched Herman's hand in a couple of places and he too, was bleeding! There were people walking down the road and Herman asked a lady if she wanted the iguana - she smiled, walked across the street and grabbed it!! Alejandra looked at me smiling - I was in total shock and she explained that iguana is a very good tasting meal for people here. I seriously, am not making this stuff up!!
I started to think if I ever ate anything here that looked like an iguana and will definitely be on the look out from this day forward!!
We got back on the road towards home and I got a little shaken up about how close we came to hitting that cow and what is would have done for the 5 of us sitting in the backseat - with no seat belts and little protection. What amazes me is how Maria Jose, Alejandra and Herman reacted...like it was no big deal. I too, was very calm considering all that had happened.
Nicaragua continues to surprise me - there are so many things that happen that make me stop and think about how different my life is like in the states. What I will say is that it is never boring here...that I continue to learn more about myself and about my children and think what an awesome experience this is for my family.
I told Herman - "no more surprises please" and hope that I have no more cow stories to tell you - I also don't want anymore Gecko, cockroach or bug stories either!! Been there and done that!!
So today was an exciting birthday for my girl - I told her tonight how exciting it is to celebrate your birthday in Nicaragua - I then realized that Lucie celebrated her Birthday here this year as well (April 8th) as did I (May 16) - our prayer is that we will NOT be here to celebrate my husbands' which is in November!!!
Love and Blessings to you all - buenos noches!!
Friday, June 19, 2009
Saying goodbye...
Well, as you may have guessed...our relaxing day turned into a very busy day!! We received a call from the director of the orphanage, Maria Jose that the Sadino children were leaving TODAY to go back to their family. The Sadino kids are Yalina, Richard, Katiel, Lucia and Angel. Five siblings...all leaving. I had very mixed emotions about this news - what a blessing they would be going home to their parents but how sad for me and everyone else who loves these children and have been a part of this family since we started coming here.
The girls and I left this morning to spend time with all the Sadino's and to understand more about their situation. Lucia and Angel have been favorites of ours from the beginning - my husband has always wanted to adopt Angel (a little boy who is now 5 - we met him when he was 2) but let me explain their family situation...Their Mother comes to visit them every month - all her children look forward to her coming and love her very much!! Their Father lives in a neighboring city but does not come often to visit. They also have an additional brother who lives with their Mom - he is 3 years old now. So the Mom has no work, and will be taking care of 6 children ranging in ages from 3 to 12!!
In Nicaragua they are reviewing all the "orphan" cases and if they find that a child is staying at the orphanage because of economic reasons only - they want (insist) that they go back to their families and that the government will assist them in caring for their children. I think this program has a lot of merit....children should be with their biological family whenever it is possible - the issue .... is it possible? Is it the best for the children?
For the Sadino's...the situation is dire. Their Mother doesn't have a job, beds or food to care for this large family. So as the kids are waiting for their Mother to show up today...Mi Familia calls and tells Maria Jose that she cannot have her children due to the lack of food and accommodations. It has now been postponed until July 2nd. When the children heard this news, they were sobbing... I held Lucia as she cried and we just kept telling her that we loved her. Angel was about to take a nap when he was told, he too started crying and Scarlett just held him and kept rubbing his back. I came back to check on her after about 15 minutes, and Angel was asleep on Scarlett's lap. Little love!!
We often ask a question to the groups' we bring to Nicaragua...If you could live with your parents but have to live in the dump, where there is no food, toys, beds and you have to go through the trash to live OR would you want to live in the orphanage where you go to school, eat regularly, and have beds.....which would you choose? Tim and I are always amazed at what the answers are and why - we had a sweet girl Sydney (9 years old) on our last mission's trip and she answered that she would live in the dump because all that mattered was that she was with her parents. Amazing, isn't it?
In a world of big houses, multiple cars and 401K's....can you imagine having to make this choice? That's what the Sadino family is doing and they have chosen their parents.
I don't know how to feel about this - I don't know how to pray for these children. I want them to stay healthy, to be loved daily, to go to school, to have a future......do their parents have any idea what these children are giving up to be with them? Do we appreciate the fact that our children will never have to make this choice? I will have to say "goodbye" and it won't be easy - I have a little more time to love on each of them and to tell them how special they are - I just pray it makes a difference and that their future is bright...
The girls and I left this morning to spend time with all the Sadino's and to understand more about their situation. Lucia and Angel have been favorites of ours from the beginning - my husband has always wanted to adopt Angel (a little boy who is now 5 - we met him when he was 2) but let me explain their family situation...Their Mother comes to visit them every month - all her children look forward to her coming and love her very much!! Their Father lives in a neighboring city but does not come often to visit. They also have an additional brother who lives with their Mom - he is 3 years old now. So the Mom has no work, and will be taking care of 6 children ranging in ages from 3 to 12!!
In Nicaragua they are reviewing all the "orphan" cases and if they find that a child is staying at the orphanage because of economic reasons only - they want (insist) that they go back to their families and that the government will assist them in caring for their children. I think this program has a lot of merit....children should be with their biological family whenever it is possible - the issue .... is it possible? Is it the best for the children?
For the Sadino's...the situation is dire. Their Mother doesn't have a job, beds or food to care for this large family. So as the kids are waiting for their Mother to show up today...Mi Familia calls and tells Maria Jose that she cannot have her children due to the lack of food and accommodations. It has now been postponed until July 2nd. When the children heard this news, they were sobbing... I held Lucia as she cried and we just kept telling her that we loved her. Angel was about to take a nap when he was told, he too started crying and Scarlett just held him and kept rubbing his back. I came back to check on her after about 15 minutes, and Angel was asleep on Scarlett's lap. Little love!!
We often ask a question to the groups' we bring to Nicaragua...If you could live with your parents but have to live in the dump, where there is no food, toys, beds and you have to go through the trash to live OR would you want to live in the orphanage where you go to school, eat regularly, and have beds.....which would you choose? Tim and I are always amazed at what the answers are and why - we had a sweet girl Sydney (9 years old) on our last mission's trip and she answered that she would live in the dump because all that mattered was that she was with her parents. Amazing, isn't it?
In a world of big houses, multiple cars and 401K's....can you imagine having to make this choice? That's what the Sadino family is doing and they have chosen their parents.
I don't know how to feel about this - I don't know how to pray for these children. I want them to stay healthy, to be loved daily, to go to school, to have a future......do their parents have any idea what these children are giving up to be with them? Do we appreciate the fact that our children will never have to make this choice? I will have to say "goodbye" and it won't be easy - I have a little more time to love on each of them and to tell them how special they are - I just pray it makes a difference and that their future is bright...
Thursday, June 18, 2009
"Smile" for the camera!!
Today was planned as a "quiet" day for us....no plans except a run in the morning with Scarlett and then the pool - we have been getting a lot of rain in the afternoons, so our plan...watching ET (Lucie's favorite movie and she doesn't understand that it is like 20 years old and she keeps asking everyone "Have you seen ET - it is the best movie ever"!!) and just chillin'. Well, after our run and a hot breakfast - we got a call from our friend Jason and Michele asking us to join them for a trip to the mall to get our kids passport/visa/immigration pictures taken. This was on our "to do" list - so we said "sure"!!
We went to the pool for a quick dip and then showered and off to the mall. There are several qualifications for the photo - Martita's hair has to be pulled back, it has to be a 2x2 photo, with a white background and we need 8 copies. Sounds easy enough, right? Well, Jason and Michele's son, Jonathan was first - he sat there perfectly straight and smiled and the photographer took one picture and boom......finished. Then it was Martita's turn....
Our girl does NOT take good pictures...she has a difficult time looking at the camera. She won't smile and she doesn't sit still at ANY TIME!!! So true to form - we had a few issues. The first few shots did not work out...then the camera ran out of charge (only in Nicaragua) so we waited for the photographer to come back. I took this opportunity to "coach" my girl. In my best Spanish I told Martita - "love, you need to sit still, smile and look at me when he is taking the picture" - her reply was "Si Momma"!! She always says, "Si Momma"!! ;)
So when the camera was ready to go again....Martita looked at me and I was smiling and told her to smile....so she smiles but shuts her eyes!!! I'm wondering what in the world is she doing now?!?! Several shots were taken and all with her eyes shut! When I told her to open her eyes, she took her hands up to her face to open them.....again, the camera ran out of charge and the photographer was gone!!!
Now by this time, Lucie is losing it in the lobby - screaming for her Mommy - Scarlett is rolling her eyes and our friends are thinking - why did we bring THEM along?
Then it hit me....Martita is smiling just like her Mommy. Big grin and eyes closed!! My little girl was listening so well and doing exactly what she was told to do! So when the photographer came back I told him it was up to him and I stepped back into the crowd and stopped interfering!! First shot, eyes open - no smile - but she was looking right at the camera!! Albeit, she looks like a criminal (hopefully this is not a sign of the future) I "think" the photos will work!!
We had a great lunch with our friends - did a little shopping and then went home. I had a nice dinner with my girls and am exhausted!! Again, I wonder what everyone is talking about when they say there is nothing to do here....Maybe it's MY family but we seem to fill the days with so much activity that I don't know what else we could handle!!
Tomorrow is another "quiet" day...who knows what will come of it - I'm looking forward to another adventure!!
We went to the pool for a quick dip and then showered and off to the mall. There are several qualifications for the photo - Martita's hair has to be pulled back, it has to be a 2x2 photo, with a white background and we need 8 copies. Sounds easy enough, right? Well, Jason and Michele's son, Jonathan was first - he sat there perfectly straight and smiled and the photographer took one picture and boom......finished. Then it was Martita's turn....
Our girl does NOT take good pictures...she has a difficult time looking at the camera. She won't smile and she doesn't sit still at ANY TIME!!! So true to form - we had a few issues. The first few shots did not work out...then the camera ran out of charge (only in Nicaragua) so we waited for the photographer to come back. I took this opportunity to "coach" my girl. In my best Spanish I told Martita - "love, you need to sit still, smile and look at me when he is taking the picture" - her reply was "Si Momma"!! She always says, "Si Momma"!! ;)
So when the camera was ready to go again....Martita looked at me and I was smiling and told her to smile....so she smiles but shuts her eyes!!! I'm wondering what in the world is she doing now?!?! Several shots were taken and all with her eyes shut! When I told her to open her eyes, she took her hands up to her face to open them.....again, the camera ran out of charge and the photographer was gone!!!
Now by this time, Lucie is losing it in the lobby - screaming for her Mommy - Scarlett is rolling her eyes and our friends are thinking - why did we bring THEM along?
Then it hit me....Martita is smiling just like her Mommy. Big grin and eyes closed!! My little girl was listening so well and doing exactly what she was told to do! So when the photographer came back I told him it was up to him and I stepped back into the crowd and stopped interfering!! First shot, eyes open - no smile - but she was looking right at the camera!! Albeit, she looks like a criminal (hopefully this is not a sign of the future) I "think" the photos will work!!
We had a great lunch with our friends - did a little shopping and then went home. I had a nice dinner with my girls and am exhausted!! Again, I wonder what everyone is talking about when they say there is nothing to do here....Maybe it's MY family but we seem to fill the days with so much activity that I don't know what else we could handle!!
Tomorrow is another "quiet" day...who knows what will come of it - I'm looking forward to another adventure!!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
The HUGE cockroach!!
First let me warn everyone that I have become a little feisty these past few weeks. I guess it's because of what's going on in my life right now - I feel vulnerable and that my family is at risk.. this is bringing out the rough side of my personality - I have been saying inappropriate things, and cursing a lot! I have surprised my husband time and time again, so let me just apologize now!! I promise to clean up my act....soon!!
So the title of my blog is pretty self-explanatory. After all the bug killing, ant control and noises from unknown sources I have endured, I had a new challenge last night. It was my first night without my husband (so no, I'm not referring to him.....see, inappropriate!!!) and I was waiting until the last minute to go to bed. I went through my routine...first I wash my face, brush my teeth with bottled water, moisturize, clean off my feet, a little chap stick and a cough drop - maybe this is all "too much information" TMI but hang in there with me - I am trying to set the stage!!! I just settled into bed with my Kindle and was about to turn it on when I saw the biggest cockroach I have ever seen in the right hand corner of my room - right above the door!! I'm not sure it was a cockroach....I just know it was about 3 inches long and 2 inches wide - it had several legs and it was black with long antennas - EEEWWWW!!!
I started to think about what to do...does this thing fly? Will it go away if I turn the lights out? Is it a vegetarian? Is it possible to sleep with this thing alive and well running through my house? Well, I knew the answer to the last question.....NO WAY!!!! So I decided that I had to kill the big cockroach!!!
I first sprayed it with Lysol disinfectant which kills viruses, bacteria, mold and mildew - it should do some damage, right? Seriously, I sprayed and sprayed and I think maybe one of the many legs of this "thing" twitched a little. So I looked around and picked up a Glade room deodorizer that I just bought....I threw it at the cockroach and hit it right in the middle of it's body (2 points) - it fell directly to the ground and took off running. It attempted to go under the bedroom door but it was too big to fit...so it tried and tried and I kept thinking...STEP ON IT LESA!!!! For whatever reason, I could not do it!!! After about 3 tries, it finally fit under the door and took off running into the family room - I kept thinking that now my children were in danger and I needed to kill this thing and kill it NOW!!! So I took off my flip-flop - totally screamed loud and slammed my shoe down to smash it!!! It took me a couple of tries (fast little bugger) but I heard the loud crunch and was so proud of myself for killing it!! I was all proud of myself - I started grunting....YOU, YOU, YOU!!! My glory was short lived - I realized that I had to pick this "thing" up and put it down the toilet!!
There was a big rain storm going on outside...so when I turned off the lights, I fell asleep thinking of the rain and not the big cockroach!! I'm hoping (praying) that this was my first and only experience with a bug of this size....there are many challenges for me here and cockroaches...no bueno!!
So the title of my blog is pretty self-explanatory. After all the bug killing, ant control and noises from unknown sources I have endured, I had a new challenge last night. It was my first night without my husband (so no, I'm not referring to him.....see, inappropriate!!!) and I was waiting until the last minute to go to bed. I went through my routine...first I wash my face, brush my teeth with bottled water, moisturize, clean off my feet, a little chap stick and a cough drop - maybe this is all "too much information" TMI but hang in there with me - I am trying to set the stage!!! I just settled into bed with my Kindle and was about to turn it on when I saw the biggest cockroach I have ever seen in the right hand corner of my room - right above the door!! I'm not sure it was a cockroach....I just know it was about 3 inches long and 2 inches wide - it had several legs and it was black with long antennas - EEEWWWW!!!
I started to think about what to do...does this thing fly? Will it go away if I turn the lights out? Is it a vegetarian? Is it possible to sleep with this thing alive and well running through my house? Well, I knew the answer to the last question.....NO WAY!!!! So I decided that I had to kill the big cockroach!!!
I first sprayed it with Lysol disinfectant which kills viruses, bacteria, mold and mildew - it should do some damage, right? Seriously, I sprayed and sprayed and I think maybe one of the many legs of this "thing" twitched a little. So I looked around and picked up a Glade room deodorizer that I just bought....I threw it at the cockroach and hit it right in the middle of it's body (2 points) - it fell directly to the ground and took off running. It attempted to go under the bedroom door but it was too big to fit...so it tried and tried and I kept thinking...STEP ON IT LESA!!!! For whatever reason, I could not do it!!! After about 3 tries, it finally fit under the door and took off running into the family room - I kept thinking that now my children were in danger and I needed to kill this thing and kill it NOW!!! So I took off my flip-flop - totally screamed loud and slammed my shoe down to smash it!!! It took me a couple of tries (fast little bugger) but I heard the loud crunch and was so proud of myself for killing it!! I was all proud of myself - I started grunting....YOU, YOU, YOU!!! My glory was short lived - I realized that I had to pick this "thing" up and put it down the toilet!!
There was a big rain storm going on outside...so when I turned off the lights, I fell asleep thinking of the rain and not the big cockroach!! I'm hoping (praying) that this was my first and only experience with a bug of this size....there are many challenges for me here and cockroaches...no bueno!!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Another step forward
On Monday afternoon, we had our 2nd Home Site visit from our Social Worker, Maria Renee. During our fostering time - it is Maria Renee's job to "observe" our family and to see how Martita is adjusting. Our 1st visit was several weeks ago and albeit, I thought it went great - there was some concern about Martita and Lucie's relationship. While our social worker was here, she observed a little disagreement between our two girls - Martita wanted Lucie's toy and Lucie basically had a mild temper tantrum....yes, right in front of our social worker. Again, I thought.....hey kids will be kids. I later discovered that because of this disagreement, our social worker thought that the girls' needed some more time to adjust.
Prior to our 2nd visit, we explained to all the girls' how important it was to "get along". We explained why Maria Renee was coming over and to show her how they really felt about each other - we talked to the girls' individually and as a group and I felt very confident that everyone understood what was at stake (yes, there was some bribery involved - don't judge me!!)
We had some last minute issues - of course, that is always the case here. No translator, problems with transportation and a last minute question of possibly changing the date of the visit. This was the only day that Tim would be here and of course, we wanted to proceed as scheduled. In the end, it all worked out and Maria Renee showed up as scheduled.
We all begin the meeting in the kitchen - sitting together. Picture Perfect. Martita sat on my lap (we didn't have enough chairs for everyone) and Maria Renee started asking questions - she asked Scarlett what she thought about the adoption and asked some basic questions about Martita's eating habits, sleeping patterns and how of course, she was getting along with Lucie!! About 20 minutes into the interview, Lucie got up from her chair, came over to where Martita and I were sitting and put her arm around Martita!! I kept smiling and listening to the social worker but was extremely concerned about what my child would do next. One thing I know about Lucie....she is very unpredictable!! Well, Lucie looked at Martita and then gave her a kiss on the cheek!! I avoided my husband's eyes because I didn't know if I could keep a straight face if I looked at him.
Lucie then took Martita's hand and they both went upstairs to play - hand in hand!! There was no screaming, yelling or running.....just quiet!! As the interview proceeded - I kept picturing Lucie and how she was loving on Martita and I kept smiling.
Maria Renee asked some good questions...she asked how Martita reacted and felt about both Tim and I - was it the same? I explained how incredible the last week was for Tim and Martita - how this time without me gave them a chance to bond - a chance to get to really know each other - and her calling him "Papi" was a great indication about how she felt about him.
She also asked me if I ever thought about calling it quits and going home. I hesitated for a couple of seconds and answered that yes, I have thought about it a couple of times. I told her how difficult it was for me to be there without my husband and without Scarlett. How much I missed home and all the people who love and support me. I explained that not knowing when I can go home was extremely difficult - much more difficult than I ever thought it would be - I was nervous about her reaction....she was writing notes as I told her how I really felt. I finished by explaining that the reason I didn't leave is because I KNOW that Martita is a part of my family - she is our daughter and I know that it is God's plan for my family - that is why I don't quit.
She told me then that she thought I was a very strong woman - that she admired my strength and faith. That she knew I would continue to be strong and a good mother to Martita. My response.....as a strong woman....was to cry and hug her at the same time!!
She explained that we are finished with our fostering period - that we will definitely be in the June Consejo. Of course, we don't know when that will be but we have finished this step in the process!! Another step finished!!
There are still so many things to complete and we still don't know when we will be home, but I think about that session - how Scarlett told her how excited she is to have Martita, how loving Lucie was to Martita and how I explained how much I love and miss my husband, and I realize how proud I am of us all right now. How much we have sacrificed and continue to sacrifice to be a family.
This was a good day.....a good resolution.....another step forward!!!
Prior to our 2nd visit, we explained to all the girls' how important it was to "get along". We explained why Maria Renee was coming over and to show her how they really felt about each other - we talked to the girls' individually and as a group and I felt very confident that everyone understood what was at stake (yes, there was some bribery involved - don't judge me!!)
We had some last minute issues - of course, that is always the case here. No translator, problems with transportation and a last minute question of possibly changing the date of the visit. This was the only day that Tim would be here and of course, we wanted to proceed as scheduled. In the end, it all worked out and Maria Renee showed up as scheduled.
We all begin the meeting in the kitchen - sitting together. Picture Perfect. Martita sat on my lap (we didn't have enough chairs for everyone) and Maria Renee started asking questions - she asked Scarlett what she thought about the adoption and asked some basic questions about Martita's eating habits, sleeping patterns and how of course, she was getting along with Lucie!! About 20 minutes into the interview, Lucie got up from her chair, came over to where Martita and I were sitting and put her arm around Martita!! I kept smiling and listening to the social worker but was extremely concerned about what my child would do next. One thing I know about Lucie....she is very unpredictable!! Well, Lucie looked at Martita and then gave her a kiss on the cheek!! I avoided my husband's eyes because I didn't know if I could keep a straight face if I looked at him.
Lucie then took Martita's hand and they both went upstairs to play - hand in hand!! There was no screaming, yelling or running.....just quiet!! As the interview proceeded - I kept picturing Lucie and how she was loving on Martita and I kept smiling.
Maria Renee asked some good questions...she asked how Martita reacted and felt about both Tim and I - was it the same? I explained how incredible the last week was for Tim and Martita - how this time without me gave them a chance to bond - a chance to get to really know each other - and her calling him "Papi" was a great indication about how she felt about him.
She also asked me if I ever thought about calling it quits and going home. I hesitated for a couple of seconds and answered that yes, I have thought about it a couple of times. I told her how difficult it was for me to be there without my husband and without Scarlett. How much I missed home and all the people who love and support me. I explained that not knowing when I can go home was extremely difficult - much more difficult than I ever thought it would be - I was nervous about her reaction....she was writing notes as I told her how I really felt. I finished by explaining that the reason I didn't leave is because I KNOW that Martita is a part of my family - she is our daughter and I know that it is God's plan for my family - that is why I don't quit.
She told me then that she thought I was a very strong woman - that she admired my strength and faith. That she knew I would continue to be strong and a good mother to Martita. My response.....as a strong woman....was to cry and hug her at the same time!!
She explained that we are finished with our fostering period - that we will definitely be in the June Consejo. Of course, we don't know when that will be but we have finished this step in the process!! Another step finished!!
There are still so many things to complete and we still don't know when we will be home, but I think about that session - how Scarlett told her how excited she is to have Martita, how loving Lucie was to Martita and how I explained how much I love and miss my husband, and I realize how proud I am of us all right now. How much we have sacrificed and continue to sacrifice to be a family.
This was a good day.....a good resolution.....another step forward!!!
I'm back......
Yes, the rumors are true...I am back in Nicaragua. Many of you thought that I would get a taste of the "good life" and leave my husband stranded in Nicaragua with my two youngest daughters... I would be lying if I said the thought never crossed my mind!! ;) It has been a very busy and fun few days...let me give you some details!!
I first went directly to the nail shop and had some major work done on my feet and hands - this is my one modern convenience I am really having a hard time living without (don't judge me). I then had my hairdresser come to my house to wash that grey right out of my hair...do do do...and a little trim (O.K., I guess that's 2 modern conveniences). I ate the Cobb Salad from Red Robin with some friends, dined at Coastal Flats and Sweetwater (I guess you could count this as #3 modern convenience...but that's a stretch....a girls' gotta eat, right?) and had a blast with some of my friends. I went on walks in my neighborhood, did some shopping for Nicaragua and spent some great quality time with my sister and niece (my Dad drove me crazy and loves my husband much more than me....Tim MUST be present for all future visits from Dad). I spent more time at the airport....picking up family, flying myself, going to Vermont, coming home and then back to Nicaragua....a lot of flying!!
What did I enjoy the most about being home? Well, let me think; hot showers, room to turn around in my bathroom, not having to put toilet paper in the trash can (future blog), sleeping on a bed that is so comfortable it's almost orgasmic (is that O.K. to say online? I hope Pastor Brad really isn't following my blog!!!), being with some of my closest friends, sitting on my deck drinking coffee in the morning, loving on my dogs, Starbucks (I know, #4), wearing high heels shoes and DOING LAUNDRY IN A WASHER AND DRYER!!!! Yes, it was good to be home!!
My purpose for returning home was to see my nephew, Casey graduate from High School in Vermont. My sister Vicki, my niece Taylor and my Dad flew into Virginia and we all traveled to Vermont for a quick 2 1/2 days. It was awesome and busy! Casey will be joining the Air Force in a couple of months...I cannot believe how grown up he is - I always think of the time I first held him - I wouldn't put him down because he was so sweet and smelled so good...my poor sister, we all spoiled him! Now, he towers over me and relates to me as an equal not a child. He has such drive and is so excited for his future. I love him more than the first day I met him (which I never thought possible) and being a part of his graduation was a true blessing.
This blessing would not have been possible without my husband. He agreed to take off work and take care of the girls for a week during my absence - So let me just go on the record as saying how much I ADORE my husband and how appreciative I am of what he does for our family - none of this would be possible without him.
Now, let me give you some scoop.... I know that many of you have read his blogs (just so you know, he purposely tried to "out-do" me) and so you know details of his experience - in a nut shell, his sign-language skills have greatly improved, he ventured out and had a lot of fun, he won the hearts of our cab driver and other adoptive family members and both my children were ALIVE when I got home!!! That was his only requirement.....keeping the children alive. I was, at times, worried this would not be the case when he told me on the phone that he was taking the girls to an Island that was populated with wild monkeys....I calmly explained that he was in a 3rd world country, doesn't speak Spanish and doesn't know any first aide....hellooooo!!! I worried all day until I read his blog that he opted for the local zoo (praise God)!! He also took the girls to an active volcano - I learned later that Lucie was so nervous she didn't want to get out of the car, crying and screaming initially and that 4-wheel drives were highly recommended (in Nicaragua...that means you MUST drive a 4-wheel drive) and Lucie spoke perfect Spanish to our cab driver to tell him PLEASE SLOW DOWN!!!! Yes, they are still alive.
When I got here, I really felt a sense of peace. I had my three girls and my husband all with me - it has been a long time since we have all been together and I realized that being in Nicaragua was O.K. with me - as long as I have my family. Well, it was short lived....my husband left today and I did not hold it together very well. I broke down a couple of times....totally surprising my husband!! For some reason, he believes that I don't really miss him and that I am doing so well on my own - that is so far from the truth. I could not do this without him and when he leaves - a big part of me longs for him. Besides the great sex (don't judge me), I really do love my husband's company, his sense of humor and his complete faith. They all give me strength and peace....
So it is just our girls once again.....My goal is to THRIVE here and not just SURVIVE!! When will I ever get a chance again to have my girls all to myself? No distractions....no modern conveniences....no friends......no husband.....no time by myself and ALWAYS with the kids, Oh sorry, back to thriving.....seriously, there are some beautiful places here, beautiful people and of course, my beautiful new family.....Many experiences to have and places to see. I look forward to it!!
I first went directly to the nail shop and had some major work done on my feet and hands - this is my one modern convenience I am really having a hard time living without (don't judge me). I then had my hairdresser come to my house to wash that grey right out of my hair...do do do...and a little trim (O.K., I guess that's 2 modern conveniences). I ate the Cobb Salad from Red Robin with some friends, dined at Coastal Flats and Sweetwater (I guess you could count this as #3 modern convenience...but that's a stretch....a girls' gotta eat, right?) and had a blast with some of my friends. I went on walks in my neighborhood, did some shopping for Nicaragua and spent some great quality time with my sister and niece (my Dad drove me crazy and loves my husband much more than me....Tim MUST be present for all future visits from Dad). I spent more time at the airport....picking up family, flying myself, going to Vermont, coming home and then back to Nicaragua....a lot of flying!!
What did I enjoy the most about being home? Well, let me think; hot showers, room to turn around in my bathroom, not having to put toilet paper in the trash can (future blog), sleeping on a bed that is so comfortable it's almost orgasmic (is that O.K. to say online? I hope Pastor Brad really isn't following my blog!!!), being with some of my closest friends, sitting on my deck drinking coffee in the morning, loving on my dogs, Starbucks (I know, #4), wearing high heels shoes and DOING LAUNDRY IN A WASHER AND DRYER!!!! Yes, it was good to be home!!
My purpose for returning home was to see my nephew, Casey graduate from High School in Vermont. My sister Vicki, my niece Taylor and my Dad flew into Virginia and we all traveled to Vermont for a quick 2 1/2 days. It was awesome and busy! Casey will be joining the Air Force in a couple of months...I cannot believe how grown up he is - I always think of the time I first held him - I wouldn't put him down because he was so sweet and smelled so good...my poor sister, we all spoiled him! Now, he towers over me and relates to me as an equal not a child. He has such drive and is so excited for his future. I love him more than the first day I met him (which I never thought possible) and being a part of his graduation was a true blessing.
This blessing would not have been possible without my husband. He agreed to take off work and take care of the girls for a week during my absence - So let me just go on the record as saying how much I ADORE my husband and how appreciative I am of what he does for our family - none of this would be possible without him.
Now, let me give you some scoop.... I know that many of you have read his blogs (just so you know, he purposely tried to "out-do" me) and so you know details of his experience - in a nut shell, his sign-language skills have greatly improved, he ventured out and had a lot of fun, he won the hearts of our cab driver and other adoptive family members and both my children were ALIVE when I got home!!! That was his only requirement.....keeping the children alive. I was, at times, worried this would not be the case when he told me on the phone that he was taking the girls to an Island that was populated with wild monkeys....I calmly explained that he was in a 3rd world country, doesn't speak Spanish and doesn't know any first aide....hellooooo!!! I worried all day until I read his blog that he opted for the local zoo (praise God)!! He also took the girls to an active volcano - I learned later that Lucie was so nervous she didn't want to get out of the car, crying and screaming initially and that 4-wheel drives were highly recommended (in Nicaragua...that means you MUST drive a 4-wheel drive) and Lucie spoke perfect Spanish to our cab driver to tell him PLEASE SLOW DOWN!!!! Yes, they are still alive.
When I got here, I really felt a sense of peace. I had my three girls and my husband all with me - it has been a long time since we have all been together and I realized that being in Nicaragua was O.K. with me - as long as I have my family. Well, it was short lived....my husband left today and I did not hold it together very well. I broke down a couple of times....totally surprising my husband!! For some reason, he believes that I don't really miss him and that I am doing so well on my own - that is so far from the truth. I could not do this without him and when he leaves - a big part of me longs for him. Besides the great sex (don't judge me), I really do love my husband's company, his sense of humor and his complete faith. They all give me strength and peace....
So it is just our girls once again.....My goal is to THRIVE here and not just SURVIVE!! When will I ever get a chance again to have my girls all to myself? No distractions....no modern conveniences....no friends......no husband.....no time by myself and ALWAYS with the kids, Oh sorry, back to thriving.....seriously, there are some beautiful places here, beautiful people and of course, my beautiful new family.....Many experiences to have and places to see. I look forward to it!!
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Getting Your Heart Dirty
This week has been a challenge for sure. Yes, being Mr. Mom has given me a whole new appreciation for Mothers! Funny, I had to travel over a thousand miles, to another country to grasp the true value of Mothers! God Bless all of the Mother’s reading this blog…LET ME SAY IT AGAIN…GOD BLESS ALL OF THE MOTHER’S READING THIS BLOG! But a close second to understanding Mother’s a bit better has been finding out a little more about me and our world. What’s crazy is that I have been to Nicaragua a whole lot of times but each time I go I discover something new about this old body.
In the past two and half years, I think Lesa and I calculated that we have been here something like 60 or 70 days. While coming here to see Martita has always been one of the major goals, we are also fortunate enough to be part of teams that come from our Church (Dulles Community Church or DCC). To see people experience Nicaragua for the first time, the orphanage (Puente de Amistad), El Canyon (the community where the orphanage is located) and Managua is simply awesome! Each time I learn so much from the other team members…their perspectives and insight are invaluable.
People change when they get out of their comfort zone…out of their “box”. They get a different perspective on things when they come to Nicaragua or to another country for that matter. YES, we have issues in the United States…issues that we should all care about and try to help resolve. But something about getting outside the walls of the U.S. is different. You just see things that you cant and maybe don’t want to never see in the US And the crazy thing? “Outside our walls” is normal in the rest of the world. The vast majority of the world is more like Nicaragua NOT the worst parts of the United States. Okay, hang with me here…this is not a political rant, I promise.
What hit me this week is how hard it is WHEN you step out of your comfort zone. Yeah, just deciding to step out is hard…but once you get out there and get engaged in people’s lives, people that have needs, and lots of them, the intensity steps up in a big way. Case in point and I will keep the names anonymous.
For almost 3 years now, we have been going to Puente de Amistad. The sole purpose of going was NOT to build things or do “projects”. Our sole purpose was to go build relationships with kids that have been rejected their entire life. To show them complete and unconditional love…NOW THAT IS A RADICAL IDEA! What? You aren’t going to build a school, a road, or some outhouses? You aren’t going to get your hands dirty? DIRT. Try unconditionally loving someone especially a kid that you may never see again, or one who’s fate is to end up on the street begging or turning to prostitution. Or one who is told when they are 17 that they have to leave the orphanage because they are too old to have government provided assistance anymore. THAT creates a whole different kind of dirt. I call it getting your “heart” dirty.
There is a boy who “used to be” at the orphanage… THE model kid. Lesa and I have known him since we first started coming to Puente de Amistad. He is smart, extremely polite (He could be a mentor to any kid), engaging in conversation, and very spiritual…this kid is top notch. A couple of months ago he turned 17 and is now gone from the orphanage. Today he is on the streets of Managua begging while he tries to wash windshields at a busy intersection. Last week he called a friend of ours here in Managua and said “I am starving can you get me some food”. Okay, so you all may have many different thoughts and emotions running through your heads and hearts at this point…and I have heard them and had them all. I have heard everything from “hey, people that end up on the streets are innately lazy” or “they are just looking for government handouts”. This is one end of the spectrum. On the other end? “How can our God allow this to happen”. And you know what? I have the same questions and I don’t have the answer and probably never will. THIS is what happens when you get engaged, when you get your “heart dirty”…and it hurts bad. But I am not sure it’s an excuse not to get out there…out of your comfort zone and trying to do something. The story of the “perfect” kid is not over I am convinced of it. Yeah call it naïve hope but maybe that’s what we need to keep us going and trying. What I do know is that there was also a little girl in that same orphanage that came from a not so good life (probably an understatement). There were times in her life when I am sure the people around her asked the same hard questions about God. What no one could have possibly seen was the way her story continues to be written. Like the amount of unconditional love she has given a set of parents she really didnt know and who really don’t deserve it. The impact she has had on other total strangers many thousands of miles away…unconditionally. The future impact she might have on our country or her native country or world. I think it would have taken a lot of naïve hope for people to have predicted this about Martita.
Throughout this process Lesa and I have been asked some really tough questions. Are you doing this for your own self gratification, are your trying to impress people with your “foreign adoption” ( I guess Madonna and Angelina have made it en vogue?), do you think you win favor with God by doing this, don’t you know you can’t fix these kinds of problems and on and on. We have also been asked “when do you throw in the towel”…in fact we have been asked this multiple times given the lengthy process we continue to go through. After this week I will probably ask Lesa that question again!!!! Believe me, Lesa and I have asked ourselves ALL of these questions and done so multiple times! I think it really comes down to this simple fact. Regardless of your belief system…Christian, Muslim, Hindu, Atheist, etc., there is something inside all of us that drives us to help others in need. It is just the way we were created from the start. There are a lot of reasons we don’t act on this drive, but I am convinced it is in all of us.
The problem is getting engaged in someone else’s problems is messy…getting your “heart dirty” is not fun…in fact most of the time it can be downright heart breaking. But I am not sure, at least for me, that’s a valid excuse not to act. And by the way? When that one time rolls around and things work out? All of the dirt seems to get washed away and it all seems somehow worth it.
Maybe this is what we need to keep in mind when we venture out of our “comfort zone” and do something…anything to make a difference.
Again “Wuz up in Nica Lesa” readers…it has been a blast sharing with you the ups and downs of Nica this week. Lesa will be back and hopefully just a little rejuvenated next week blogging her heart out. I really don’t know what I would do without her…she is an amazing woman and one that I am proud to call the absolute love of my life. Adios mi amigos! Te Amo! (did I say that right?)
Friday, June 12, 2009
HEY! I know its a table!
Late this afternoon we went to the movies to see “UP”…in Spanish! To know how good a movie really is, trying watching it in a foreign language. This movie kicked butt and I have no idea what was said. Well I think the movie kicked butt. Maybe, just maybe, it was enhanced greatly by the movie theater.
Me and my girls went to the “other side of the tracks” today. That part of Managua is not big…trust me. THIS side of the tracks is much bigger. The movie played at the Gallerias mall. I knew something was up when we got out of our taxi and I saw a GUESS store! The people walking around the mall were very well dressed, there were a number of very nice restaurants and a multiplex theater that puts Brambleton to shame (sorry for the local reference "out of towners"). The first amazing feature was the fact they had a VIP Room, yes, VIP Room! I looked at the price for the VIP room and it was $7 for adultos and $5 for ninos. In Managua that is a lot of money for a movie. But hey, we are Americanos, so I sprung for the seats.
We walked into the actual screening room and immediately saw a VERY large screen and about 50 “chairs”. Now let me describe the “chairs”. BIG, LEATHER chairs that I would buy for our house. These chairs were, well, unbelievable. Then I saw the waiters. Okay, was I at FedEx field in the sky suite section? You want food? They get it for you. You want drinks? They get it for you. You have to go to the bathroom? Well I didn’t try that out, but I am betting you that…oh never mind! Oh yeah…AIR CONDITIONING!!!! And the fact that it was about 100 degrees here today, I thought maybe I had died and was sitting in the “Big Guys” home theater! Between each chair were side tables for your food and drink.
Side note…when I first went in, it was kind of dark. I put Martita in one seat, skipped what I thought was another seat, and put Lucie in her seat. I was planning on sitting between them. I sat down and it seemed a little hard to the tushy. But for about 5 minutes I sat like a proud papi between my girls…eating my popcorn and settling in for the movie. When I looked over and saw a waiter put food on a “table” across the aisle I realized I was sitting on the table! I am sure the local “other side of the track” Managuan’s thought “What is that crazy Americano doing”?!? So I stood up, acted like I was stretching and then scooped Lucie up and basically threw her one more seat over and flopped into my cushy arm chair. The only bad thing about the movie was finding out AFTER the movie was over that the chairs had kick out foot stools…they were recliners HEELLLOOO! Ugh…I missed out on that one.
What struck me though, through this whole experience, was the fact that my sitting on the table was not the only thing that made people stare. After the movie we walked out into the food court. Boy, did we get some stares. We were out of place for sure. Here we were, inter-racial families (two other families went with us) clearly from the “other” side of the tracks. The people were nice and everything but the stares made me feel way out of place. At times I wanted to go up to people and say, HEY, you should see my neighborhood back in the states. Or, yeah I have a job and so does my wife. But mainly I just wanted to say, please don’t make us feel so different, I want my girls to keep their innocence about our world. I want them to believe we are all equal…men, women, black, white, brown. I want them to know that even if we don’t have what you have, or look all the same, we are good people. This experience really made me think about how many times I MIGHT have made other people feel uncomfortable, how many times I stared, how many times I felt like I was better than others. Hey, I am not saying I meant to do it…EVER…but I am not sure that matters to the “PEOPLE” on the receiving end. So maybe not only did I see a great movie tonight, but maybe I learned how to be a better person in the process. For the kids of the families I interface with on a daily basis…I sure hope so.
Only one more day without the love of my life…YES!!!!! Thanks for always supporting us with your prayers and words of encouragement…you guys are AWESOME!
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