Defiance.....

Defiance can be a good thing....it describes how strongly you believe in something...how strong your convictions are - however, defiance in a child can be a challenge. Our girl Martita is very defiant and today has been a tough day for us.

We went to the orphanage for church and as usual, it was an awesome experience. Pastor Josue gave tribute to the father's and their role in our lives. I was very emotional today, missing my husband and wishing he was with me. My husband is a true example of a great father - we spoke to him this morning - gave him a scavenger hunt that I set up when I was home - so he was running through the house, looking for his gifts. He started off the conversation with us this morning by telling his daughters why each one was special and what he loved most about them - it was a great start to the day.

When we are at the orphanage, Martita feels very at home at that is a good thing. What is challenging is that she doesn't listen to me as she does when we are by ourselves. She smiles when I tell her something, but continues on with what she wants to do. Albeit, we are in front of other people, I still discipline her and make sure that she understands that I am her Mother. It can be a challenge. Today, she was even more of a challenge.

We struggled through the morning - and came home to an even more challenging afternoon. Martita continued to challenge me - to not listen and be defiant. She was in time-out for most the afternoon and while in time out - acted out. She opened a window in her room and punched out a screen, she refused to sit in time out and was crying and screaming whenever punished. I got to a point today when I didn't know what to do to consequence her for her actions. It was a battle.

It made me realize that all the time I spend at the orphanage, the children are very seldom reprimanded. They are told not to do something but if they don't listen...the staff laugh and shake their heads. So do the rest of us. Because of the lack of discipline, the children do not understand why they can't do what they want to do. The messages I am sending Martita are conflicting with everything she has been brought up to know. She is struggling with where she fits and what to do. I know that she is a beautiful girl who wants to please...I am holding on to that when I am at my wits end.

I am getting a taste of how difficult this transition will be...how difficult it is now. I have to show Martita that she is loved, how she is part of our family but also needs to treat me with respect and her sisters as well.

I hope that we made some progress today - I know that I have to show her what is expected as a member of our family...I have to be tough now so that we can live in peace later - it's so difficult and I question how well I'm doing with my parenting skills. Being home with my husband as my partner will be a much more united front - but being here on my own is challenging for us all.

Defiance.....it's a good thing, right?!?!?!