DIE you little bast$%ds!!!

Peaceful co-existence is no longer an option!

Darkness once again covers the battlefield…the remnants of prior causalities litter the floor. A leg broken in four places…a head smashed beyond recognition. The smell of death is still in the air from the skirmishes the night before. It is on these hot humid nights that the enemy knows we are at our weakest. They, having excellent night vision, always control the combat zone.

We hunker down in any spot that has a breeze…trying to relax, staying together….always wondering where the enemy is, what they are doing, what they are eating. For some crazy reason though, tonight… is different. For some potentially flawed reason, I decide to venture into their world…cross into their side….into the darkness…the enemy zone. I’d had enough AND I really needed to get something from the refrigerator (Don’t judge me either!).

Slowly I head towards the stairs. I peer down the steps into the darkness moving my head from side to side…attempting to focus…looking for movement of any kind. Nothing…total darkness, but I sense the enemy is there. I move down… one step at a time…slowly. I reach the bottom step, peer around the corner toward the kitchen. I sense them. I know they are working the countertop…the sink…even the silverware drawer.

I extend my arm out into the darkness trying to find the light switch. Up and down, up and down…my hand searching the wall. Beads of sweat are dripping down my face. Finally I feel the switch! With one quick flick of my finger the fluorescent light flickers attempting to be my ally. A few more flickers and then bright light and the battle is on! They are everywhere!!! Having spotted me, the enemy starts to form into groups…5 on the microwave…10 on the counter…a brigade of 20 in a line marching on the wall. 15 or 20 lone fighters running in circles on the floor trying to distract me while the others move into position! I hyperventilate…I know this is going to be my shot…my chance to inflict heavy casualties. Maybe even send them into a retreat… to our neighbor’s house!

I run for the cabinet under the sink picking off three or four in my bare feet! I start searching desperately for my only weapon…a big can of RAID. There, I have it in my hand! Oh No! False alarm that is the can of Lysol! I reach deeper in the cabinet knocking over the Fabreze, sticking my hand in the clorox wipes, wondering if the enemy has moved the RAID…some sort of trap! How did they know I was coming?!??! Ah ha! Another can… the right one this time! YES!!!!

I lean backwards, off balance at this point I roll across the kitchen floor! I start to spray anything and everything that is moving! (The kids were already in bed thank goodness). Adrenaline pulses through my veins…I scream “DIE YOU LITTLE BASTARDS”! I arch my back and then flexing my six pack stomach I spring up…into a standing position! Spraying, spraying, spraying! 2 dead over there, 5 running in circles the poison stinging their little brains. I think to myself…”They are on the run!!!! YES YES YES”! My eyes are watering, my lungs burning from the poison gas that hangs in the air. The death rate continues to climb…25, 30, 50! Bodies at this point are scattered across the floor! I run for the stairs hitting the ones trying to retreat under the front door…7 more dead! One last spray and I am back on the stairs. I look back to see mayhem everywhere! Completely satisfied I “spike” the can of Raid like a hall of famer after scoring the winning touchdown! VICTORY! I am a complete stud!

Do you think Nicaragua is getting to me? Please hang in there with me…I promise two things. First, Lesa WILL be back blogging next Monday! Second, I promise some mushy stuff very soon! Love you all a ton!